Kiksun

Going back to Sweden in 28 hours...and there are many things left to do:
Go out with Dante (2 hours)
Pick up my aunt and drive her back home (30 minutes)
Prepare seminar (3 hours)
Cut my mums hair (wish me luck)
Having my hair cut (just a little bit)
Write thesis (as much as I am able)
Packing (as fast as possible)
Be with my family (Seems thesis will go aside)
Some sleep would be nice as well...(or maybe in the plane..)

Right now my dog is sitting next to me..just sitting and staring somewhere..he looks very inteligent.. I will miss him so much. And not only him..

Maik asked what home really means. Is it a place? Or is it a feeling? And of course I dont have any definite answer because each of us can see different meaning of the word.

When I was little and was supposed to write a "patriotic" essay about My country - my home, I wasnt able to write any celebrating things about Slovakia because my home wasnt country. My home was my family, my home were my friends and things I was doing. I was sure that the fact that it was exactly Slovakia didnt matter. I didnt choose it when I was born and Slovakia didnt choose me. It just happened and we (Slovakia and me) had to find a way how to live together. We did find a way. There were some things I liked a lot. I think it was nature I appreciated the most. Except people in my surrounding of course.
And there were things I didnt agree with. And it was the general mentality mostly. Disrespect and neglecting by those who should have cared the most. Government. I was not able to say that I was proud of my country because of the unfair division of power etc. My country was not my home.

It somehow happened that right now I live in Sweden. I have been here more than a year and half. I feel nice and thanks to this time out of Slovakia I realized what "home" means to me. My home is about feelings and understanding. It´s about throwing away the masks we wear and daring to be who I am. it´s about going the same way for 24 years and see everydays changes, it´s about memories that just pop up and make me feel that there r people who care and I care about, it s also about happines from getting to know new ways, it´s about meeting old friends who haven´t forgotten you and smile that they see you, it´s about meeting new people who want to see you again and  making new friendship, it´s about seeing future and having plans, it´s about understanding people´s situation because of the same history, it´s about being alone but not lonely, it´s about being a part of something and not just a stranger passing by, it´s about giving presents without reason, it´s about visits without invitation, it´s everydays smell...

Everywhere I feel this, is my home.

Home sweet home..my journey from Sweden (Orebro) to Slovakia (Sala) was the longest I have ever experienced on this destination (and I have traveled a lot this way). I left at 02.30 and came home after 19.00, managed to land in Hamburg, Munchen and Bratislava =) Came to Slovakia and it was spriiiiiiiing =) Warm warm warm...and people´s faces as well.
Dante - my dog that used to be cockerspaniel turned into chicken after visiting "hairdresser". He has a summer cut now and looks more like Gandhi.
Around 22.00 - sweet dreams untill next days early morning (06.00) because Dante wanted to go out. My first walk with him after 3 months. I wouldnt mind to wake up even earlier if the reason was Dante. Strange but truth. I would like to take him to Sweden.

My first day in Slovakia I spent at the NOM annual meeting and it was the best meeting we have ever had. People participated, had ideas, were eager to change something, willing cooperate, having activities..wonderful feeling. We have set very reaistic goals, elected new board..I believe we will keep up this spirit the whole year =) The spring is still in Slovakia...it´s just great to be outside. I hope there is spring in Sweden at this time otherwise I will bring it with me.

On sunday I realized that I was a bit tired so I slept a lot and when having breaks from sleeping..I was writing my thesis and playing piano (haven´t done it for ages). Piano is the thing I would like to bring to Sweden too =)

Monday: My teacher who is guiding/guarding my thesis is THE BEST!!!! After every meeting with her I am motivated to write and make a research and I really want to make it good so the results will be useful for others. I dont want to write thesis just because I have to write it to finnish studies. I would take my teacher to Sweden as well =)
Btw. it was summer in Bratislava. Hot hot hot...Nice nice nice. It made me so happy that I wrote two peoms in the train =) In slovak..so..I will not share.
I have seen a TV show with my favourite actress..she is funny, smart and funny (and smart)

Tuesday..raining but I dont care. Still happy feeling from monday...Was doing some school stuff in Bratislava, have realized few of my very materialistic needs: new laptop and mobile phone. Met some classmates, came home, went out with Dante, my hand has almost frozen off - it´s winter again.

To sum up this blogg: 
1. the time gap between my visits of Slovakia always disappears and being in Sweden in between feels just like a dream. 
2. There are some new extra items on my "to pack" list: spring, Gandhi, piano, my teacher..
3. I feel very nice and am looking forward to tomorrow..

So many thoughts to share..so bad internet connection...But I´ll solve it...
Hugs to all those who follow this little blogg..and thank you for all the comments..I´ll answer

Sitting at the Arlanda airport..Surfing..Writing blog..
This night I have slept 30 minutes, left apartement at 3am (left some great books there cause my luggage was very heavy), took bus to Stockholm..there was one free seat left (strange), came to Arlanda, was waiting in looooooooong loooooooooong queue (how is this word spelled), just hung around and then decided to check internet..now writing blogg hoping that I won´t forget the time..I definitely dont want to hear calling my name..Miss Sperkova..this is the last call..no no..doesnt sound good..
I have 73 minutes left for internet but only 50 minutes untill boarding..so..hmm..what will I do? Wil check some blogs I read everyday and then I think some walking in tax free shops will be fun...so now I go. Sure that I wont buy anything..but anyway...some of those things are very nice. Aha..yes and I have to smell all those parfumes...=)
 
Btw. Some planes are really huge..Wonderful that such thing can fly..

Mixed mixed feelings..
I have mentioned many times how happy I was because of going home. In four hours I go and it doesn´t feel so cool any longer. I know it will be very nice and I will have lots of fun with my parents and Dante and friends...But still some kind of emptyness inside me..my apartement is clean, fridge empty, I am packing..and going home now is not a big problem because i know that i can come back in 10 days and continue in what i love..EGTYF office, will meet Madlena and Fredrik again, will have fun with Liza, (and Per H. as well) Will visit Anna without making appointement on beforehand, will talk to Per. B etc. Will walk my everyday way to job, greet ducks (yes..i do it always just for myself..I think they are very funny), watch trees and compare them day by day..This simple things I like so much! But OK..I think it´s very typical to feel little bit sad when leaving something.
On the other hand..yeeeeeeees..parents, doggyyyy, NOM, classmates, school..maybe a bit warmer..Yes..sounds nice =)
Definitely mixed feelings!

Now I understand why the winter lasts such a long time this year. BECAUSE I have forgotten to change pages in my calendar so till yesterday it was saying "March" on my wall. I apologize to all people and to weather for all confuse and I promise that I will never do such mistake anymore.

But now it says "April" and it fits. Sun is shinig =)

Svetlana, whose name actually can be translated something like "light", has called me. At midnight..the phone just ringed and it was her..from Belarus..all of a sudden she really brightened my day..or let´s say night =)


Huuuuuuuugs Sweety....=) And see you soon!

- driving car to Oslo and back (and listening to great music)
- watching a "rebirth" of an organisation
- meeting friends från Norden
- norwegian chocolate
- chat with Kollo Anna =)

I have many different rights..but what I do NOT have a right to, is to judge people. No matter how much I know I will never know enough to understand their motivations to be able to judge. I have a right to agree or disagree...but judging somebody´s personal life is far from things I have right to do. So I decided: From now on..whatever thought of judging others is forbidden to me. Hawk!

Germany,Germany and some days in between..
On monday I went to Germany..for preparation team meeting. We were planning a seminar which will be held in Ukraine in the end of April. The time  we spent together (members of prep.team) was around 24hours but it feels like we have been together at least 3 days. We have never been together before. I have met all prep.team super guys but just individually and I would never dream that we would be such a nice group and working so well together. I was really amazed. Each of us has a lot to contribute with to make the seminar unique, constructive and great from the social and informational point of view.
We had incredibly much fun. I am waiting for Kadri´s blog since she is going to sum it up. I hope she will be in creative mood and will have time, because I think she is the right person who can describe it in a very authentic way.
From my point of view it´s all I wanted to say: wonderful people in the team, wondeful group together, great and original programme..But yes..let´s wait first till the seminar is over to be 100% sure that I am right.

Btw i got a present from Kadri. Surprise surprise =) It was grädde (whipeed cream, Schlagsahne). Mnammiiiiiiii..together with strawberries...I felt like in heaven =) And maybe some pics will come also if Linn is so kind and send me one or two =) Btw..I have a very nice picture of Linn..so maybe she wants to exchange..hmmm? 

So those who have counted, figured out that I went home on tuesday. I traveled with Marcus and I had a pain in belly from so much laughing. Nonstop laugh from Berlin till Copenhagen (with waiting more than two hours in belrin) Aaaaaa...what a funny guy this Marcus.

Wedneday...office. Very nice day as well. I got to know a nice nice news. Will not reveal the secret..but it is very gooooooood news =)

Today I have been a bit tired since my thesis is a stressing me..but after talking to Katka..it feels better..and I hope she was right =) We will see in some months..! It is just to start writing and maybe trust in myself a bit more.

Tomorrow..Germany again. Will meet my board =)..very nice people and friends. Just pleasure to work for them. And I hope for spring there in Hamburg. But whatever weather it will be..I am sure that it will be nice and warm to be with them.

And now: first to go to shop, then to call my parents, pack for the weekend and then...thesiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!!!!

There is no end. Everything lasts maybe just in different form..
When I flew home from Germany I looked down to our small world down there....and then I looked up to the space up there...and imagined what´s behind and then behind and then behind and then behind..There is no end! Impossible and amazing!

Those who know me, know very well that I like chocolate. But i do not eat all the kinds of chocolate and all the time. Kladkaka is very OK, then one kind of chocolate ice cream and one choco desert. Other chocolate I do not buy. Today I really felt for chocolate..so i went my usuall track in ICA - came to the freezing box and "my" icecream wasnt there. I accepted it with some disappointement and went to other depertement with choco soja desert. Empty! What´s this? Conspiration! And when I found out that even kladkaka was not available..I did understand that someone really read my mind yesterday when I was watching Supersize me and told myself that since then I was going to reduce all the crap food..
But hej...chocolate ice cream now and then..! Hmm...

I was supposed to take portrait and group pictures of poiliticians today..but it was cancelled because some of them have not come. So I went out and took pictures of shadows instead.

Yes..my father is a funny guy. When I called home and we had been talking for a while, he told me: "OK..tell me something more. What´s new in your life. Hmm..what´s the time there?" knowing very well that we are in the same time zone.
Another question was: "Have you got well again? " hmm..Why are you asking? I haven´t been ill or haven´t had cold for a long time. "Aha..not? That´s good!Very good!"
One would say that he doesnt care and just says what first comes to his mind...yes..the second part is truth but he cares. Very much! And he makes me laugh =)
Gosh I like my parents! 

I have just read in newspaper that FIFA has outlined a strategy of fighting against racism. Very good I think!!! They decided to punish football clubs when their fan clubs express racistic attitudes during matches. Except of financial penalties there will be also sport punishments such subtracting points for example. If the violation repeats, the club may even fall one division lower regardless position in the competition. Very good I think! Maybe it is not fair towards players..but this is a nice way how to show by simple mean, understandable for everybody that racism is not "in" anymore... 

Yeah..now I have another topic for some research..There are cultural differences reflected in the blogg behaviour. Would be cool to analyze them a bit more.
Two days ago I joined a slovak blog community and commented some blog..there were immediately 5 other comments to it..people who dont know each other and the blogger just discussed..What I have noticed in Swedish blogs is that mostly friends or collegues use to comment..
I think it is a bit like that in real daily life..People do not enter each others lives (unless work requires that) that much here in Sweden. Just closed groups all over.
But maybe I am wrong?