Kiksun

They redirected a river in Germany to be able to build a new railway and railway station, I made work a battery which was refusing to give energy to my camera. It worked for another half an hour of intensive shooting and it would work even longer..Let´s see how the river will flow ;-)

Sun is back to Sweden so I am going to catch some moments..
It ´s just pity that I can´t take picture of or record in some way that wonderful smell I noticed yesterday..it was actually very usual smell everybody has felt. Mowed grass, fresh air after several days of rain, sun rays trying to reach one´s nose from behind clouds, everything green (finally), spring flowers and very cool atmosphere after holiday..yes all those things are in the smell..we will see if I can do smth with my camera about it ..

Den här bild tog jag den 22:a maj 2006. Den dagen var jättespeciell och mitt livs har förändrats. Mer kan jag inte avslöja.
En annan viktig sak är att jag pratade med Malin on msn. Malin är en underbar människa som jag uppskattar verkligen mycket! Och hon sa nåt som jag inte kommer att glömma: "Livets stora gåta är att älska och förlåta"
Hoppas vi får träffas snart Malin! Kram!

Happy happy happy I am
=D
Several reasons:
=D I have done a lot with the thesis today
=D I have managed to work in office (although there is a red day = holiday in Sweden today)
=D My friend wants to call her puppy after me (hmm..yes this is questionable..but I love puppies and I 
      know she means it only good..so nice nice)
=D I talked to Katka today..yeeeees..it has gone 5 months since we talked
=D Still happy for phonecall I got on monday (secret secret)
=D I am on the way to Anna (hoops..i was supposed to be there 20 minutes already..I go NOW then!)
=D I have come home from Anna now and I´ve got chocolate cake there..mnaaaammiiii =)
=D A very very close friend of mine has birtdhday today...haaapppyyy haappppyyy =)
=D I am going home on sunday..it will be tough week but at the same time my family and Dante will be around so I believe it will be just perfect. So please..somebody..can you fix a nice weather in SK? Thank you =)

Is the duck swimming in the lake or flying in the sky?
Is the duck aware of its importance in the picture?
Are people around me aware of their importance in my life?

I dont drink alcohol neither coffee(in any amount), I don´t use drugs, I don´t smoke. I am vegetarian, I do not eat at McDonalds and I don´t drink Coca Cola products..
Hmm..and I still have so much fun in life!!!!!

I am the chosen one..
First somebody rang me without wanting me to answer (you know that short ringing), then I got sms that one guy from Greece found my number on skype and would like to talk to me (I somehow didnt pay much attention to that), then today I have got phone call..very bad sound quality so I didn hear anythin and it was private number so I couldnt call back..I was rather worried because right now there are many things in EGTYF happening and people need to cosult things with office..and we didnt hear each other..I was thinking how to solve it..hmm..Then the phone rang again..this time I could see the number..it was my skype "friend". He told me that he wants to talk to me..when I said I was busy (and I really was) he forced me to promise him I would call back..Hmm.. I just wonder how these people think. I am not saying it is bad to get in touch with (new) people. I just dont understand since i´ve never such thing. Even not on icq or msn or wherever..."Do u wanna chat?" Hmmm..i never asked it. And when they dont get any respond..why do they keep on tryin? What is the motivation?

I forbid me msn  in free time for some days..maybe weeks. Recently I have been chatting so much..with great people and about great things...I have learnt a lot or have had nice time... BUT..my thesis is not writing by itself so..I have to prioritize..And it is really HIGH TIME to be fully focused on it. One sign for that can be that even in TV they were talking about androgyny and gender (my thesis is about it as well)..So I better go now..

But I miss msn and friends there soooo much!!! Hugs to all of them!!!!

Maik asked in my previous blog about what I do with my emotions when they are so intensive..

Well..when it comes to happiness, I most of the time create..whatever..I for example draw (it´s my most common way how to express myself when I dont have words) or I take pics and then give them to people. In the cases of being happy I have a need to give something to people around me (yes some people have lots of little maybe rather useless things from me).
The other way - very effective for me is writing blog about my emotional status (hihi..sounds funny). I guess it can get boring for people who are reading "I am happy I am happy I am happy" all the time but it´s my way of dealing with it. And I really mean it. It is not just words. I actually dont need people to read it. I write it more for myself..like a diary but of course some people who are interested in how I am doing read it and then they dont need to ask again and I dont need to repeat it to many of them and we can directly talk about things evoked by the blog (it saves some time).
I also jump and sing when I am happy. And I talk and chat. But as said in the beginnin - I mostly create some pictures, drawings, photoshop stuff..
Aha..back to the giving..I also use the energy of happiness in EGTYF or NOM...it brings me some inspirations and new ideas..I am actually very happy that these organisations exist because there I find space for selfrealisation and revealing energy...

About being sad (which I happen to be from time to time also)..I do cry. And I dont talk then. Or only to few people. I prefer to deal with it by my own, I sleep (also the usual reason of me being down is exhaustion) and I read to come to other thoughts..
I dont talk about it very much because I have learnt that many things which make me sad are just matter of perspective and I know that in some days I will be able to step back and look at the "problem" from distance. Ice cream (chocolate) or kladkaka med grädde (chocolate cake with cream) are aslo a nice solution =)
..and unexpected message from friends and people I like can also raise me up!
I dont create when I am sad..usually. I did once when a person close to my heart died..then I wrote a story which was mostly like talkin to him..saying everything that I havent said and that should have been told. And since that time I learnt.. I DO say when I really feel like saying it although I dont get an answer back..

How do you deal with emotions?

VM låt skriven av Tomas Ledin..den påminner en annan låt. Det känns att man vill sjunga med bara: "Jag heter Lena Philipson" när refrängen kommer...
Hmm..Jag är inte så säkert att den är så peppande som den skulle vara..

...and she´s looking good (Lyrics from Kraftwerk - The Model). I think I can apply these words on my new model. We made a deal and I am going to be the only photographer of hers =) Some days ago when I was switching canals I stopped at the programme "Top Model". I watch it from time to time cause I love watching the technique of making pictures those proffessional photographers are using. When I see them working I understand more about photography. And this time they said that the good model cooperates with a photographer and she contributes by her own ideas. She/he has to be also creative and helping the one who is taking pictures. And Madlena definitely was a great "object" (uff it sounds very bad)
Here you go and have look =)


 

I have been asnwering questions the whole day today..switchin msn windows, mailbox etc. ..and after 16.00 o´clock I just felt that I had to go home..
But now..after answering again and coming to some solutions and conclusions..it feels really good!!! And the fire is shut down =)
Now I can write my thesis (and big hug to Katka..you helped so much! U cant imagine)

God bless internet =) It´s late in the night..and I was, while writing thesis, chatting with Sanja from Macedonia...and I dont know whom can i thank to for all those great people in my life..

Thank you Sanja for being so close although you are so far..

I just feel good when I see this picture..maybe because I remeber the moment when I took it..and i somehow feel freedom and am very relaxed when looking at it. It´s like step to the future where none knows what´s going to happen..but the step is very resolute, very firm...full of trust..And the future will be GREAT!!!

I came home fom Ukraine yesterday early in the morning. It took me one day to handle my feelings. I needed some sleep, I needed to look at pictures over and over again, I needed to read messages we wrote to each other, I needed to send some sms and to chat with some friends to get back to reality smoothly. And I am still half way in Ukraine at the EGTYF seminar with you...and everytime I close my eyes..I see you...your smiling faces, your focused faces, your sad faces, your shocked faces, your hoping faces, your satisfied faces...and I feel all those feelings at the same time...I hear the music we were listening together, we were dancing and singing to, I hear you laughing and talking and discussing..I hear you being silent, I hear you saying thank you and bye bye..and it squeezes me inside...I have tears in my eyes and I am happy at the same time. Happy because of unforgettable week which gave me so much - experience, friendship, new points of view, week which gave me belief and strength..I am happy about incredibly nice people who were willing to listen to each other, to help each other and to share with each other...I have nothing to complain about and it is not just because of my optimistic glasses I wear..but because of  all of you being perfect!

It feels like I have just woken up from a dream. A dream one week long. A dream which melted the cold and brightened the grey. A dream tied of laughs and smiles..

This dream has started more than a year ago when me and Lorena wrote an application to Council of Europe to get some money for the seminar. We wanted to make it different than the other seminars, we wanted to make it very complex. We were thinking of many details although it wasnt needed for the application. And we got it granted. Then there was time to create a preparation team. The way to get the final group of 5 people who would devote theirselves to preparations and carrying out our plans wasnt straight. But we managed again..it was really time to have some group  ready when I got final YES from 5 wonderful people who have got fully involved into preparations. Kadri, Linn, Marcus, Valja and me started our adventure. From the very beginning full of fun and jokes but also serious planning and talking. I have written about our preparation meeting somewhere in this blog already. I felt in my finger tips that this would be something very special from the very beginning. We have never met before in this constellation and we functioned just perfect from the first "hello..nice to meet you" to the last "see you in Kiev". And then we met in Kiev again..and just continued in the perfect work we started in Berlin...

The first participants arrived, the first hellos were told...and then...it was just rolling rolling rolling...every day passed so fast..I just remember my reflection groups (small groups in the evenings reflecting the day) telling me every evening that it was amazing how open the people were and how relaxed the atmosphere was..We had problems of course...cold rooms..very very cold. The food really not very special (but as Igor would say..there are people who dont have any food at all), lack of drinking water...but we were solving problems at the spot, together. Bought some sleeping bags, some cookies and vegetable, water..And the sun was shining for us!
Energizers (really needed after the cold nights) just brought us more together...I am still singing "shake bananas..shake shake bananas" and I laugh for myself..."bananas of the world..UNITE"
And now I hear the song we were singing together..."You´re simple the best"... You are! Don´t forget it!
We started our discussions, games and activities. We got to experience how it was to be discriminated and stereotyped..sometimes it felt terrible and unfair..sometimes you just felt like standing up and leaving the room..lots of emotions..but we managed to deal with them and to learn from them..And it also made the seminar something extraordinary.
I could continue describing every single day, but I will just write some key words..those who were there will understand:
cold cold night, long long talks, sleepless nights (cause of talking), crazy laughs, shaking bananas, crazy elephants, SLON, Marcus being stewardness, safety instructions, games, olympic games of stereotypes, Italian man at Malta, Jem - They, hugging circle, lots of pictures, intercultural game, sunny Kiev, bus trip..I am somehow speechless again..and moved, Dzenan, Sabrina and Matvey singing for us their own song made for the seminar participants, preparation team getting a wonderfull present from all participants..
Thank you for this experience. Thank you all. Prep.team (the best one ever), office people helping (Inese being guide in Kiev, Madlena cutting papers for me, fixing visa and tickets, Fredrik dealing with money) and THANK YOU all who were there contributing by your personality..

It feels like being in love. I think I still have to wait for my feelings to settle down..
I just still hope that tomorrow I´ll wake up into cold morning, will take a hot shower, will come to our plenary room, see your faces and will "shake banana"..